my son throws fits

i have a confession to make.

i am a judge-y mom.

there, i said it.  i have judged other moms.  please tell me i'm not the only one.

however, i am really trying to stop.  having a son who throws fits is helping me.

here's the thing.  i used to think one of two things when i saw a kid throw a fit.

1.  the mom was doing a lousy job at parenting in that moment.  whether that was because she had her kid at walmart at 10pm and he was throwing a fit from being tired, or because she couldn't control her kid no matter the time of day, i assumed sometimes it was the mom's fault.

2.  the kid was a terrible kid.  spoiled, entitled, whatever you want to call it, i felt bad for the mom with the bad kid.

but, then, lawson started throwing fits.  all. the. time.

and, my parenting is seriously not to blame (maybe a little to blame, who knows?), and lawson seriously isn't to blame.  and i'm not just making excuses.

lawson has a serious, for real, speech delay.  by two years old most kids will say about 50 words and will start saying 2 to 4 word sentences, by two and a half most will have about 300!  lawson says about five words.  ni-night, hannah and banana which sound exactly the same when he says them, dada (only sometimes in the correct context) and love you (only j and i understand him). and that is after six months of speech therapy.

can you imagine not being able to communicate about your needs and wants?  like if your kids were disobeying but you couldn't correct them?   what if you wanted your morning starbucks but had no speech? parent teacher conferences where you couldn't say a word?  how about trying to communicate with your coworkers or boss?  doesn't sound pleasant does it?  you'd probably resort to crying also?  you might not throw a fit because you are an adult with problem solving skills and not a two year old, but i bet you'd be frustrated and crying.  i would.

when i was being a judge-y mom, i never considered that the child had underlying issues i knew nothing about.  i was just assuming something about a family i had never met, never talked to, never interacted with in the least.  and i was incredibly wrong.  and now, NOW i have much more compassion for the mom with the toddler throwing a fit.

does that kid have autism?  a speech disorder?  some other underlying reason for throwing a fit or acting like i think is out of line?  i feel compassion for the mom or dad with that kiddo because i have no idea what their day to day life is like.  maybe they are a terrible parent, but maybe not.  but why not extend grace and compassion instead of judgement?

at least that is what i am trying to do.  and i have a lot of making up to do!  i encourage you to do the same! it might take practice but i think we can all agree that extending more understanding and support to fellow moms is a step in the right direction.

oh hey there

wait, what?  i have a blog?  weird.

i think between speech therapy for lawson, and occupational therapy for lawson, and homeschooling isabelle, and trying to prevent molly from seriously injuring herself, and cleaning my house, and trying to not wear myself out while being preggers, and mops, and family, and birthday parties, and all the other "stuff" we've been up to i just gave up the easiest thing...blogging.  i hate that because i really like blogging.   even if i'm not particularly great at it, i like the idea of being the memory keeper for my family.

so, i'm gonna put down what we've been up to and then hope (really really really hope) that i am more consistent from now on.  i don't remember what my new year's goals were from last year, but next year may just be blog more and lose weight.  moving on.....here's what we've been up to.

i've been reading some shauna niequist books.  i love them.  and now i want to start a cooking club.  i'm not sure i know enough people that cook to start a club, but i really want to.

the girls learned to climb the fence.  our neighbors love us.  NOT.  they climb up and then yell at the dogs. or sometimes they yell at the construction workers across the street.  it is awesome.  in case you couldn't guess, molly is the one who showed isabelle.

we went to the pumpkin patch with jason's mom.  he took a great selfie with laws.  i love those two to pieces.

we went to our church's fall festival.  and no, our kids did not wear costumes or go trick or treating, in case you were wondering!

we added a new member to our family.  my precious nephew, wyatt, was born almost two weeks ago!

we've spent a ton of time outside.  the bounce house has proven to be one of the greatest toy investments we have ever made.  lawson is finally old enough to play in it and he loves it.  

molly has been expanding her fashion sense.  in the first picture she picked out the entire outfit, right down to the hat, gloves and cowboy boots. second pic is her wearing two shirts, two headbands and fake glasses. molly is hilarious.

lawson has become a master at the ipad. it is a bit crazy, really.  he gets to use the ipad/iphone during therapy for a reward and now he is an expert.  and for the record, we just finished OT today but will continue speech twice a week.  he is making progress.  slow, but still progressing.

isabelle had her kindergarten picture taken.  we are lucky to be in a homeschool group with a photographer! i may be slightly biased, but i think she is pretty gorgeous.

so there you go, a brief recap of what we have been up to. now to just blog more than like once every two months.  we shall see!  if you are on instagram and want to keep up with me there you can find me @tracy_dickinson.

Flourishing

A few weeks back I entered a contest to win a spot at a women's retreat called Flourish, hosted by one of my favorite bloggers, Emily Anderson.  You should know that I really never win anything.  Like ever.  So entering was a bit of a joke.  But, I have wanted to go and since I have a baby arriving in February, I thought if I was going to enter to win a spot, now was the time to do it.

I won.

I really couldn't believe it.  I was pretty much freaking out when I won.  Because, like I said, I never win anything.

After freaking out, and after realizing that my bff, Erin, couldn't go with me and I would be going alone, I got pretty nervous.  To make it worse, I agreed to ride with someone I had only known on the internet.  I was pretty sure I was crazy.  Going alone and riding with someone I had never met are both pretty far out of my comfort zone.

Explaining to people exactly what Flourish is or was is pretty tough.  I mean, it is a retreat, for women, put on by a couple of awesome ladies, one of whom is a rockin' awesome blogger.  Just like the word retreat implies, it is a time to get away, to take time to be in charge of only yourself and to be recharged and renewed.  We really did have time to just connect with God, connect with other women and be pampered and taken care of.  I didn't wash any dishes, fix any meals, clean anyone's room, wipe anyone else's rear end, put anyone to bed or hear anyone fighting.  It was beautiful.  Instead, I watched the sunrise, worshipped under the stars, ate delicious food that someone else prepared, got a massage,  spent time with the Lord, and got to know some amazing women.  It was wonderful.  And it was exactly what I needed.

I can't stress enough how great I think this retreat is.  If you have ever thought about going to something like this or even to Flourish itself, you must go.  I won my spot, but I will be going again as soon as I can after having the baby.  And, I don't think it is important to go with someone you know.  You will have just as much fun and get just as much out of it going alone.

I am so thankful that I was able to go.  I am thankful for the hearts of the women who are the vision behind Flourish.  I am thankful that I got out of my comfort zone and did something I would not normally do.   I am beyond thankful for the people who made it possible for me to go from KK and Emily who gave away the ticket, to my mom and mother-in-law who watched my kiddos and my hubby who worked his tail off while I was gone and had the house sparlking clean when I got home.

If you are looking for a great time with great gals and a chance to grow spiritually, Flourish is where it's at!

Summer Recap

I don't think I've blogged in like a million years.  Now that I am coming out of the fog of nausea and nausea medication, I hope to be a little more consistent.  I thought I would start by letting you in on how I did completing our summer bucket list.  I can sum it up for you in one word.

Terrible.

Seriously, I think I need to make a fall list so that I can redeem myself.  Besides my obvious all day sickness issue, I also loathe summer time.  I have tried to keep my hatred to myself more this summer because honestly, it hasn't been that hot this year in OK.  We had a bit of a break after the last two years of crazy heat.  Still, 95 at the playground with no shade is still pretty unbearable.

Anyway, here is what we actually did this summer.

The first thing on my list, make playdoh, I actually did accomplish.  The only problem, it was a terrible recipe.  I thought I would try a new pinterest recipe.  BAD IDEA.  If you have a recipe that works, you should probably stick with it, rather than try a new one.  I just didn't have it in me to take pics of the major failure that was homemade playdoh.

Sidewalk paint, however, was a huge hit.  I really should make it more often.  Turns out, I don't just have tons of cornstarch on hand.  If I did, we would totally make this again and again.

We also managed to make it to the lake one time.  Jason's work schedule this summer prohibited a second trip, but we did have a great time over Memorial Day.

We went swimming at grandma's, had multiple cookouts, watched fireworks, made LOTS of art projects for Dad, ate at Top That Pizza, went to the Aquarium, and made it to an event at our library.

Things that weren't on our list but that we did include swimming in the kiddie pool in our backyard, take walks to our neighborhood park,  park visits with friends, started Isabelle's prek year in homeschool, and spent lots of time with family.

Now here's the part where you realize all that I missed.  No ice cream from the ice cream man, no picnics, or visits to dad's work.  No homemade bubbles, or ice cream in a bag or even rice krispie treats.  We didn't fly kites or catch fireflies (which I don't even think exist in our neighborhood), and we certainly didn't make our own tshirts or even fluffy stuff for that matter.  No edible finger paints, homemade lollipops. or nature scavenger hunts.  Nope, we did none of that.  I had a great list and great intentions, but I really dropped the ball.

So, fall bucket list it is.  And since I am going to blog more often, you can actually expect to see my list next week!

Snuggles

There are so many things I want to remember about my children.  Things that are insignificant enough that I would probably forget them over time but funny or special enough that I should take time to write them down.  Bedtime snuggles with Isabelle is probably one of those things.

at one of our bowling outings 

Every night we go through a bedtime routine with our kiddos.  It isn't perfect and perhaps we are doing it all wrong, but it is our routine.  Part of that routine involves putting Isabelle to bed in our bed until Molly falls asleep in their room.  Every night, Isabelle has the same requests.  She wants our door left open, to sleep on Dad's pillow, use the sheet only, have the radio on, have a nightlight, and then a song and a story (which you are required to make up).  It is a lengthy routine, but if followed, usually means she will go right to sleep. However, sometimes she asks me to stay and "snuggle up" with her.

A couple of nights ago she asked and I responded like I normally do and told her no.  I am usually worn out by bedtime and I just want the kids to go to sleep so I can have a little bit of time with Jason before we go to sleep.  As soon as I told her no, I felt a little tug on my heart to snuggle up despite the fact that I was tired and worn out and just wanted some time to decompress.

I laid down with her for not even five minutes and while I was snuggling,  realized that there is probably not that much time left of her asking me to snuggle with her.  Pretty soon she will be too old and too cool to snuggle with her momma and I will be the one asking her to, "please, pretty please, snuggle up with me." Kind of depressing, really.

So for now, I am going to snuggle up, and cuddle and give extra hugs and kisses because really, whether want it to or not, the time is quickly approaching where they will stop asking.

Things people ask you when you announce you're pregnant

I should say, "Things people ask you when you announce you're pregnant with your fourth."  I am pretty sure no one asked me these things when we announced we were pregnant with our first.

1.  "Do you know what causes that?"  or sometimes, "You do know what causes that, right?"
Is there a right answer to this question??  Um, obviously we do.  Should I say, "I like what causes it," or better, "No, what?"  This question irritates me.

2.  "Was this planned?"
Well, first, I'm not sure how this is anyone's business, nor do I see how it matters whether or not it was planned.  The fact remains I am pregnant so does it really matter if it was a surprise or not?

3.  "Is this your last?"
I'll just answer this now.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Unless we change our minds.  Or adopt.  So maybe, or maybe not.

4.  "Are you guys crazy?"  This is always said in a voice that suggests only totally crazy weirdos would ever dare to have four kids.
Well, I don't think we are crazy.  There are four kids in my family, Jason's mom is one of four, so it seems clear, we aren't the only ones to ever have four kids.  And, my kids are pretty great, so it isn't as if my kids have been a deterrent to having more kids.

5.  "How does Jason feel about this?"
I like how this question implies I somehow "tricked" him into getting me pregnant.  Jason is excited and so am I.  It may not have been in our exact timing (after all, I was trying to train for a half marathon), but we are still excited!

I don't know how other pregnant moms feel, but in my opinion there are better questions to ask.

Here are a few.

"How are you feeling?"
"When are you due?"
"What do you think you're having?"
"Will you find out what you are having?"
"Any weird cravings yet?"

Those all seem like perfectly reasonable questions to ask.  But like I said, that is just my opinion.

And in case you are wondering, I am 8 weeks, due in the very beginning of February, feeling pretty miserable, thinking it is a boy, for sure finding out, and not craving anything!  Happy Friday!

Randomness

My life is pretty scattered right now.  It is no surprise my blog is the same.  Here is some of our randomness.

1.  Funny things the girls have said lately.....

Isabelle:  Dad, here be sure to take my picture of the hobo stick.  (pogo stick)

Molly:  Mom, Grammy called this (talking about dinner) supper.
Me:  Some people call dinner, supper.
Molly:  I'll just call it spaghetti. (looking at me like I'm nuts)

During a discussion about lightning and why it is dangerous to play in the rain if there is lightning.
Isabelle:  How can lightning hit you if it doesn't have any arms or hands?
(after trying to explain about electricity)
Isabelle:  I know a lot about electricity.  (long pause)  I know a lot about everything.

2.  Our summer bucket list is proving that once again, nothing gets done around here without a list.  So far we have made sidewalk chalk, gone on a boat ride, set up the backyard pool, played in the sprinkler, gone swimming at Grammy's and gotten snow cones.  I put pick berries on the list by total accident.  We will NOT be picking berries this year.  It is hot, it is far away, and while the berries are good, I can get them much cheaper from the grocery store after you figure in gas from my house to the berry farm!

3.  Lawson started saying, "mama" yesterday.  I don't think he is referring to me, but at least he is making the sounds!  And on a somewhat related note, both, occupational and speech therapy are going very well.

4.  I've posted a couple of things about modesty, specifically bikinis, on facebook recently.  I love how none of the moms/dads/teens that post bikini picks have commented on my links/statuses.  I still don't understand how anyone thinks skimpy bikinis are appropriate much less that it is okay to post pictures on the internet (where any weirdo can see them)!

5.  We are seriously considering selling our house.  What I can't get my brain around is how I would ever keep my house "show ready" with three kids.  And it's not like you can stuff everything in a closet, because, people LOOK IN THE CLOSETS.  Tell me, how do people with kids ever sell their house?

6.  Saturday is going to be such a fun day!  We are headed to OKC to visit Jason's aunt who we haven't seen since I was pregnant with Lawson.  And if that wasn't exciting enough, we will also get to see some friends who just moved back to OK from Michigan.  It is going to be a great day full of family and friends!

What have you been up to?